How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
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