No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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