i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
You're a waste of cheezeits
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
