can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Girls should come with a carfax report
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Randomize
