There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
