If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
