just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
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