I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Randomize
