Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
