If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Randomize
