At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
