Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
