Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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