One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
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