i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
