hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
