You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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