I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
