every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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