I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
