Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
