my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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