True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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