Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
