You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
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In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
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I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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