She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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