So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
