when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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