His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
