I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Randomize
