fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
false alarm, still single
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