Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
