five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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