someone threw a dead crab at me
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
