You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
you made out with another girl for some wings
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
