now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
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