I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
