DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Randomize
