The brown eye won't let me do that either.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
