My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Houston, we have a squirter
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
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