How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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