he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
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