Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
