I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
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