My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
You can't just leave with hair like that
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
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