I wannas sexs uuuuu
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
