Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
