I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
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I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
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