Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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