I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize
