How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
