i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
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