The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
