u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
