he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize
