420 ftw
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize