How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
