Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Randomize
