i need an iv and a liver transplant
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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