Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
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