I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
