this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
