WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
