Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Tornado booty call.. dedication
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
