she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
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