I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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