bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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