Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
