Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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