So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
