I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Randomize
