if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
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Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
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Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
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